No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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