I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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