Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
