They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
