it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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