how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's the barista slut.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
