i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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