i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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