my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
