Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
