he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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