You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
