Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
