home. puking in laundry basket.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
