yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
