Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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