small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You are the jesus of drinking
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
