Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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