filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
