Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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