Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
