Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
