brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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