he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
