I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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