just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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