Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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