I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
