I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
