he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
