So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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