I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
