I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
