just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
