I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
