Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
