im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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