if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Found your dick twin last night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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