This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
