Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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