Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
