I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
