drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
