i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
