It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
