Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
