i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
