Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
