I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my sisters under your porch take her home
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Randomize
