My sheets look like a crime scene.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
