I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
