the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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