A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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