You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
