I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
